Courtney I am sorry. Never again will I speak in anger. I fear you will never return and I donot blame you. You are a vision of beauty. Nothing stops you and you will be a success I know it. I hope you forgive me and take me back. I love you more then I can express.

This will be my final post online. I have done a LOT of truely horrid things in my life. I have lied, cheated, stole, broke almost every moral code I have ever had. I do not fear much. I have almost died many times. I have made…and lost…more then many will ever see. I have managed to drive away nearly everyone who ever was stupid eneough to care. Given ALL of this SOMEONE decided to love me. I must be honest…I know not why. I am a social mifit. I have poor social skills yet an I.Q. of 187. My diabeties has destroyed much inside me. I am unsure I will live past 50. Given ALL of this she loved ME. Some miserable failure who fucks up more then I succeed. I made my mom abandon me. At one point Randy left. I guess my only fear was she would leave. Have you ever known DEEEP down that you would move Hell itself for someone? That once you stop being a hardass you truely would forgive anything so long as someone stayed with you? I do…and I made her leave. I am so deeply sorry.

Ever realize that the world wouldn’t notice if you left?

So I broke my foot & cannot get around well. To make things worse I am uber-depressed and lonely, I know no one reads this or gives a shit but i hope SOMEONE does and calls me/stops over. 253-238-1748 My #

In my life I have been placed on a SHIT ton of different meds for….well, for a fuck-load of reasons.  For the people out there who do illegal narcotics I have one thing to say: GROW THE FUCK UP.  You think you can avoid life by taking shit?  Just forget the stress of life by “tripping”?  Yeah, GREAT FUCKING IDEA.  How many people in their forties do you know who do drugs and are NOT famous?  Answer: None that you respect.  Why?  IT IS PATHETIC AND WEAK!

Fucking grow up.  Seriously….if you are actively avoiding life through drugs I have zero respect for you.  You do gain my pity however.

I am terrified.