This will be my final post online. I have done a LOT of truely horrid things in my life. I have lied, cheated, stole, broke almost every moral code I have ever had. I do not fear much. I have almost died many times. I have made…and lost…more then many will ever see. I have managed to drive away nearly everyone who ever was stupid eneough to care. Given ALL of this SOMEONE decided to love me. I must be honest…I know not why. I am a social mifit. I have poor social skills yet an I.Q. of 187. My diabeties has destroyed much inside me. I am unsure I will live past 50. Given ALL of this she loved ME. Some miserable failure who fucks up more then I succeed. I made my mom abandon me. At one point Randy left. I guess my only fear was she would leave. Have you ever known DEEEP down that you would move Hell itself for someone? That once you stop being a hardass you truely would forgive anything so long as someone stayed with you? I do…and I made her leave. I am so deeply sorry.